I was a smoker.
It feels weird to say it now, but I mean it when I say I was a smoker. I would easily smoke a pack a day, every day. I started at the end of high school. I don’t remember why. I guess I thought it was cool. Also, my dad smoked, so it was familiar to me. Still, even as a dumb kid, I was smart enough to know it wasn’t good for me. I would only smoke the “light” cigarettes because, of course, that was better. Pack a day, every day. I did this for around fifteen years.
Then I stopped.
Ok, that’s not fair. I tried to quit several times using several methods. Nothing seemed to stick until, one day; I tried something a little unorthodox.
I started smoking.
Let me back up a little. Around 1998 I tried to quit smoking for the first time. It didn’t last, of course. I think I made it a couple of months before I was back at it. Still, I made a valiant effort. I knew going cold turkey was unlikely to work, and I needed something to help me get over the hump.
This was when I discovered a tool I still use to this day - an analog.
I didn’t understand how useful it was at the time or what mechanisms in our brains it was utilizing (More on that later), but I decided I needed an analog. Something that could “stand in” for that tantalizing little box of twenty things to do. What I landed on for this first attempt was sunflower seeds. My logic was simple: they come in a discreet package, go in your mouth, and need a little work to get through. Instinctively, I knew that the real hurdle for me was less about the chemical addiction and more about the deeply ingrained habits associated with my smoking routines. To try to counteract this, I decided to keep going out to “smoke” but would eat sunflower seeds instead. I thought that I could quit smoking but keep everything else the same. Ultimately I went back to smoking. Not because I picked the wrong analog but because I didn’t understand that I was missing an integral component needed to change any habit.
I needed to reframe my identity away from being a smoker.
Over the next 13 years, I tried several times to quit, but each attempt didn’t last. The problem was that I adopted the wrong identity. I wasn’t viewing myself as a non-smoker, I viewed myself as someone who was quitting smoking. It's subtle but important. This was compounded because by identifying myself as someone who “quit smoking,” I was subconsciously creating a narrative where I needed to start smoking again so I could quit again later. I had built an identity around being that guy who could quit. Weird huh? Of course, I only recognize this in retrospect.
I tried all the usual suspects and failed.
Nicotine patches were interesting. I had some crazy dreams with those. I tried nicotine gum for a minute, but those taste awful. I tried cinnamon toothpicks, which were also not very effective, but my breath was very fresh. I almost tried hypnosis but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I even finally tried cold turkey. I tried anything that seemed remotely credible. It was a fight I couldn’t seem to win. I understood how terrible smoking was, and I would end up doing it anyway. This is why willpower is never a long-term solution to addiction.
I needed to try something radical.
So I started smoking. I stumbled upon a solution that finally got the results I was searching for. Somewhere around 2012, I decided to start smoking a pipe… and leaned into it. I bought some cool wood-carved pipes. Long Gandalf pipes and minimalist modern pipes. I started learning about the different kinds of tobacco, things with names like “after dinner” and “sunrise special.” I stopped being a cigarette smoker and became a pipe smoker.
Here is where the crucial change happened.
It was manageable to let go of the cigarette smoker identity to pick up the pipe-smoking one. I could still smoke whenever I wanted, but… It’s a bit of a hassle, so I did it less. This created friction, a powerful tool we can explore another time. Slowly, the neuropathways associated with smoking cigarettes softened and faded into the background. I had repurposed an old habit that I didn’t want into a new habit that sucked less.
Here is where the science happens.
Habits are just your brain creating a roadmap back to a place that gave you pleasure (or pain). This is where Dopamine comes in. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is thought to be integral to learning and memory. Whenever you do anything novel, your body produces dopamine in response. Good or bad. In a nutshell, it’s like your brain drops two pins in a map and connects them with a string. One is the thing it wants to remember, like a nicotine rush, and the other, it drops at the beginning of whatever events led to that end. In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear refers to this starting point as the “Cue.” The next time this cue happens, your brain goes to the map and drops two more pins. The more you revisit this action, the more pins and strings. Now you have a habit. Your brain has traveled that path so many times it doesn’t even have to think about it anymore. This is great if you want to learn to tie your shoes or drive a car, but not so good if you’re ingesting a toxic chemical. The bottom line is the longer you have a habit, the stronger it gets.
The good news is that new habits are easier to break.
Pipe in hand, I was halfway to quitting altogether. The last step was to take the leap and adopt the identity of someone who doesn't smoke. Honestly, that was terrifying. I was afraid that I would need to spend the rest of my life, every day, convincing myself not to smoke. That is a daunting hill to climb, but I was determined. Here is the amazing part, the part I really want you to hear.
I don’t think about it anymore.
Once I had decided I was a non-smoker, it happened so subtly that I didn’t realize I had quit. I just smoked less and less. Then one day, I realized I hadn’t gone out to smoke for a few days… then weeks…then never again. It’s strange to reflect on it now. It feels like I am talking about someone else.
That’s because I became someone else, and you can too.
If you are a smoker and don’t want to be, or if you have some other habit you would love to get rid of— you can. It is hard, but there are tools available to help you succeed. Find something to stand in for those cigarettes. Rewire your brain into a new habit that you have more control over. Then make the decision to be a nonsmoker and quit… Forever.